Breaking News: Chuck Wilson Was Wrong!

Chuck Wilson was WRONG!

Can you believe it?

Chuck Wilson was wrong! And he’s willing to admit it!

In the last issue of ARPTalk (Eller’s Complaint Before the Privy Council of the Hierophants), Chuck Wilson, the Reprobate and Heretic, may his name be cursed by all ARPs, reported that an emergency meeting of the Executive Board had been called by the moderator of General Synod, Alan Broyles, for Thursday, September 26, 2024, to consider Dan Eller’s complaint that Second Presbytery had acted improperly in the last two meetings of Second Presbytery by purposefully violating the Form of Government. Well, that’s correct. However, Wilson said the members of the Privy Council (aka, Executive Board) would circle the wagons for Eller and protect and promote his cause. Wilson said Eller had the Privy Council of hierophants in his pocket. Well, Wilson didn’t count on what happened.

There is a new twist in the story. Moderator Broyles has reversed himself. The meeting has been canceled. The meeting was deemed NOT an emergency.

Wow! That’s interesting! What’s going on!

I know how the machinery works. First, the complaint was filed with the Principal Clerk, Pope Kyle Sims, His Fatness, blessed be his name forever; second, the complaint was scrutinized by Parliamentarian Patrick Malphrus (the Pope’s lapdog); third, Broyles (a figurehead) was directed to call the meeting, and the email was sent by the Principal Clerk. Broyles did not act unilaterally. The process is always scripted.

What happened that the call was rescinded?

Well, a couple of things could have happened. One, someone with a great deal of political weight stepped in and said stop. He may have said something like this: don’t you see this is making us look bad?

Two, there was a great deal of kickback on the Privy Council. Catawba Presbytery may run the Privy Council, but Catawba Presbytery does not control how the representatives of the other presbyteries vote.

Three, a decision was made to leave the matter with Catawba Presbytery where the process and votes are guaranteed.

Four, the matter is left with Catawba Presbytery, with a plan to send the matter to General Synod. Since the Clerk of Catawba Presbytery has publicly stated the presbytery is not willing to take the matter of the withdrawing congregations to court, perhaps the game is to get General Synod to take the congregations to court. The Catawba boys are aware the delegates of General Synod are very gullible.

Whatever the reason for the reversal of the call for an emergency meeting of the Executive Board, the meeting of Catawba Presbytery is going to be interesting. Their challenge is twofold: (1) how does one put toothpaste back in its tube? and (2) how does one put Humpty Dumpty together again?

Morrie Lawing Appointed Director of Outreach North America

About the time I think the ARPChurch is totally snake bitten, a good thing happens.

I cannot think of a better man suited for the position of Director of ONA. Having planted two congregations, Lawing actually knows what it takes to plant churches.

He should have been appointed to this position five years ago. As we get older, we lose energy and drive. My only negative is Morrie is not younger.

Congratulations, Morrie! They finally recognized your work and gifts!

Publicly, let me give you a warning. Watch your back!

Less than five years ago, I was part of high level meetings where the topic was the closing down of ONA or the combining of ONA and World Witness. Some of the people who are supporting you were the loudest voices in those discussions for drastically changing ONA.

New Preaching Professor at ETS

As most of you know, Pope Kyle Sims, His Fatness, blessed be his name forever, is an employee of Erskine Seminary. He was hired to be the seminary representative or liaison to congregations. The idea was he would pave a road for new students. However, Pope Kyle Sims, His Fatness, blessed be his name forever, has not been able to attract new students; however, as the “Hungry Preacher” he has excelled in eating his way across part of America. His Facebook account is replete with photographs of delicious meals consumed by the “Hungry Preacher.”

Well, I suppose the reasoning with the ETS elite goes like this: if he can’t attract students, let him teach preaching.

Good heavens, Pope Kyle Sims, His Fatness, blessed be his name forever, can’t preach! So far in his career, his preaching has reduced three congregations. As one young lady described it, he’s like a giant stork in the pulpit. But, what does one teenage female know!

Asking Pope Kyle Sims, His Fatness, blessed be his name forever, to preach is like asking a giraffe to fly. The beast just can’t get off the ground!

The only thing I know that would be more disastrous than asking Pope Kyle Sims, His Fatness, blessed be his name forever, to teach preaching is asking Andrew Di Iulio to teach classes on how to be a parliamentarian. That would be a colossal flop.

Now, if you ask Di Iulio to teach classes on “word salads,” he would excel at it. He can stand and talk for ten minutes and say nothing. He is so good at “word saladism” that Kamala Harris could learn a thing or two from him. Di Iulio may have invented the art of the “word salad.”

Well, I digress. Let me return to the news that Pope Kyle Sims, His Fatness, blessed be his name forever, is teaching preaching at ETS. O Lord, the poor students! May God have mercy on them. They will have to endure a lost class in their seminary career. The only thing Pope Kyle Sims, His Fatness, blessed be his name forever, would be good at is teaching obese students how to diet and avoid the sin of gluttony, if only he would diet and eschew gluttony.